Please Find Me Now

The birthday celebration ended at half past two in the afternoon. Um, two and half hours… now, where will I go to kill time? I mused. My next appointment with a friend was at five o’clock.

It’s scorching outside so I’ve decided to go to the mall. I went to a coffee shop and ordered a frappuccino.

My eyes were having a feast! Red tags were everywhere! Control your reins, girl! I whispered.

I’ve found myself entering the gates of heaven on earth – The Bookstore. Every time I’d pay a visit, I’d always get lost in the vast array of books. Each shelf represents a doorway to a different dimension.

I also love the smell of the paper. In addition, the crisp sound it makes every time I turned a page is music to my ears. It’s like a personal drug. My paradise, my euphoria!

***

After about half an hour, my five o’clock appointment called and requested if I’d meet her in the next thirty minutes.

Since I was rattled by the sudden change of schedule, I took a random book from the nearest rack, went to the cashier and then hailed a taxi.

While I was on my way to the meeting place, I asked myself: What have I done? Did I just buy a book even without checking the details? It’d just be a waste of money if the story failed to tickle my imagination. Tsk, tsk, tsk! Good job girl! You’ve got another clutter at home. Me and my impulsive decision! Great!

***

I’ve finally reached home. I then tossed my shoes aside and put my purse down. I pulled out the new book from the paper bag, laid my tired body on the bed and put my legs up on the wall.

1Q84 by Haruki Murakami. Who’s he? I wasn’t familiar with him. His genre must be different from the books I usually read.

I took my mobile phone and searched for him. Mr. Murakami is an award winning Japanese writer. His books are bestsellers and are translated to 50 languages. Hmm, impressive! I uttered. I guess I’ll be seeing your works more! Let me just finish this book and I’ll check out your other novels. I added.

I then came across his famous quotes. Among the hundreds, there was one which caught my eye. It was from the book that I’ve purchased- 1Q84! That’s so cool! It says:

Find me now. Before someone else does.

Uh-huh! Bingo! There was no need to read the synopsis. My instinct told me that this would be an awesome story! I then put my phone down. I opened the book,  sniffed the paper like an addict and began reading the novel.

I’ve already reached page five and yet I didn’t understand a word I’ve read. I then decided to close the book, as well as my eyes.

To be honest, I was affected by the lines. It’s been more than two years since my good husband died. My friends kept on bugging me to go meet someone. Then date that someone. And soon marry that someone! Argh! Hearing the same lines repeatedly was quite tiring already. My patience was wearing thin. Soon I might lose my temper and scold them, go and buy me one from the department store! As if it’s easy to get a man! LOL!

To tell you the truth, I was not hoping to meet anyone after my late husband.

But if fate has a different plan, I’d like that man to read the letter below. I’d like to know his true emotion, intention and even his reaction before I take the plunge.

 

To My Future Love,

I was pretty sure this letter came to you as a surprise. Allow me to thank you for coming in to my life. In my wildest dreams, I wasn’t expecting to meet someone like you. 

From the beginning, I didn’t plan to get attached to anyone anymore. I knew that it’d only bring hurt in the end. And I also didn’t want to experience another heartache. 

Honestly, I was frightened. I was afraid of opening my heart again. Pain, vulnerability, loss, disappointment… all those scared me to death. 

The scars of my past were buried deep in my heart and mind. 

I was contented with my life. I’ve already accepted my destiny to stay alone till the day I die. And I was fine with it.

However, who would have thought that you’re able to break my wall? 

You’ve actually changed me… slowly yet surely. 

You’ve shown me love. When in reality, it’s something I no longer believed in. I’ve found myself falling in love with everything again. Including you…

Thank you for loving me… but you need to know that you’re not the only man that I’d be thinking of till my last breath.

My late husband (and his family) will always be in my heart. And no one else can replace his position in my life.

But it didn’t mean that I’d love you less. Let it be known that it’d be the exact opposite. I’d actually love you even more…

If you’re still willing to wholeheartedly love and accept me despite of my everything; then I’d also completely and sincerely choose you as the man whom I’d be spending the rest of my life with. 

From Your Future Love 

 

I don’t know who you are or from where you are… We could probably be living in the same city or we could be lands and oceans apart…We could be staring at the same sky or the same moon… We could also be wishing on the same star…

But if the You who holds the other end of my red thread is real… please find me now.

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