Related Piece: The Road to Recovery – The Beginning
Someone sent me a message and she made me realized how important letting go was. It felt like I’ve joined the ice bucket challenge. And every cell, every fiber, and every part of me woke up with a jolt!
She told me that if I really love my late husband, I’ll have to set him free. I’ll have to let him go and allow him to rest.
I’ve tried hard to fight my inner demons to stay afloat. I’ve done things which were beneficial for my recovery. Some were like stones that I’ve picked up to hit my own head, though. Nonetheless, I’d like to share with you the activities that I’ve done in attempt to heal my battered self.
Pray, pray, pray!
My late husband and I met in the Singles for Christ, CFC Family Ministry. When we got married, we’ve integrated to the group for married people, the Couples for Christ. And since I’ve become a widow, I’ve joined the Handmaids of the Lord. I’ve become more busy serving His community.
I’ve prayed and sought God more. I’ve also requested for personal healing through our elders whose gift was that of healing.
God has always been true to His word [Psalm 91] and He didn’t forsake me. He’d protected me. He’d showered me with love, covered me with His grace, and enveloped me with comfort and hope that everything will be okay.
He’s always been my strength and my refuge.
As soon as I reached the flat, I changed from my pencil skirt to sweatpants and from my three inched heels to running shoes. I’ve tied up my hair with an elastic bow, put on my headset, and then went out to the park. I’ve jogged. I’ve brisk walked. I’ve jogged and brisk walked some more till my clothes were drenched with perspiration. I’ve spent a minimum of one hour outside. I’ve put all my remaining energy for that day into that physical activity. I’ve focused on the songs being played. I’ve counted my steps and the minutes I’ve used for exercising. I’ve diverted my mind to keep it from thinking of sorrowful musings. I’ve gone home only if I was dead tired.
My beating heart reminded me that I was still alive. It actually felt good and I also lost few kilos. However, I stopped my nightly routine after two months. My friend saw a vision of me and it frightened me. I know it was lame, but I was vulnerable then. I was afraid. Maybe if the moment is right, I might be able to write a separate blog about her prophecy.
Writing is my passion. The last piece that I have composed was about two decades ago. My late husband was able to read one of my compositions and he loved it; from then on he’d tried every tactic to convince me to write again. He once told me that I was like an open book but was too difficult to read, though. And that he’d love to read whatever was on mind.
I’ve used to express myself through my passion; but since I was busy working for my family, I left it aside. When he went away, I was filled with unspoken thoughts and unexpressed feelings. In order to release them, I’ve then decided to create this site.
Yes, you heard me right! Shopping!
After office, I went straight to the mall. I’ve roamed around the establishment every night for more than a month. Retail shopping was an effective therapy. It worked like wonders! Unfortunately, the feeling of relief was temporary and it was definitely not economical. In addition for being emotionally sick, my pocket became lifeless as well. This shopping thing was seriously a bad idea for me!
I was able to get in touch with old friends and acquaintances, and have met new people. Some brought cheers and others tears. Unfortunately, I’ve chatted mostly with not so good people. It wasn’t healthy, and so I’ve refrained from doing it again.
There are numerous ways to cope up with stress, depression, and grief. You just have to find the right step which will work for you. Once you’ve made a decision, be strong enough to see and push it through till you’re better. You may probably make a mistake along the way, but don’t allow that to hinder your goal.
You need to do something to change your situation. Because life goes on and you have to move forward.