My Search for Happiness

Time Check: 0620 hours. It’s time for me to leave the flat and start my day. After ten minutes, I reached the bus stop and saw a new bus approaching. I immediately checked the route from the website and it was bound to the metro station.

I took the bus and then hopped on the train. I reached my stop at 0705 hours. That was fast! My travel time was reduced to thirty minutes. As I stepped out of the metro station, I realized that I still have another half an hour to kill.

It was a good opportunity to do a morning walk and at the same time my skin can still absorb a healthy dose of Vitamin D from the sun. Cool, right? And so, I’ve put on my headset, turned on the playlist and started walking leisurely.

As I was strolling towards the office, a trail of thoughts came. It arrived faster than the bullet train! LOL! My goodness! Here we go again. Well, what’s new? I can’t stop myself from thinking about a lot of things. Uhm, let me rephrase it, I’m unable to stop worrying about everything. Worrying, actually is spelled as L-A-A-R-N-I. Sigh.

It’s been my struggle for as long as I could remember. I know that it’s a sin. It’s an insult to God. It means I don’t trust Him because I worry.

I began to feel self-pity again.

A lot of things happened. I lost my husband and my kids. The happiness that I was searching for a long time was gone in a blink of an eye. As human as I am, I sometimes can’t help but wonder why those things happened in the first place.

***

I worked hard to make my parents happy; my goal and happiness were to see them smile. It’s been my parents’ dream to have a doctor in the family. To be honest, I wanted to be a journalist. I wished to become a television news anchor someday. Since I found that out, I’ve decided to fulfill their wish. I have chosen BS Biology as my pre-med course.

However, on the last year of my degree, my father’s business went down the drain. His health was greatly affected. If I remembered it correctly, he was confined at The Philippine Heart Center some time from October 1998 to April 1999.

 

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We’ve spent birthdays, Christmas, and New Year celebrations, and even my college graduation in the hospital.

My mom and my brother accompanied me during my pre-med graduation ceremony. After the school program, we went straight back to the hospital. My dad couldn’t help but cry when I gave him my dean’s list awardee certificates, college diploma and my medal.

Due to my family’s situation, I didn’t pursue my medical course further. As soon as I graduated, I’ve searched for an employment. I needed to find a job immediately to support my them.

I’ve put on a brave act and became their pillar.

I officially became a member of the working society on 04 May 1999. I’ve started as a laboratory analyst in a pharmaceutical company. I was assigned to test the presence of pathogenic microorganisms in the medicines made for human consumption. It was exhausting but I truly enjoyed my post. I may not be able to become a doctor but at least I had a chance to apply my acquired knowledge when I worked there.

I was proud of myself. I’ve found a decent job to support my family. The company was strong and stable. Unfortunately, the management decided to stop the regularization of their employees. As a contractual staff, my manager could only extend my term. Since I didn’t see a clear future with my position, I’ve decided to look for another job. And on 11 October 1999, I’ve permanently hang my laboratory coat inside the closet of memories.

The following day, I began my training as a call center: customer care representative in a mobile company. I’ve handled all types of inbound calls, such as: inquiries, complaints, billing and requests. I’ve received a huge shock during the first few months working there. I’ve lived a sheltered life; I’ve never received insults, curses and the like from anyone. Unfortunately, those customers whom I didn’t even know, cursed me from head to toe!

After some time, I became immune with those irritating transactions. I was no longer affected or influenced by their frustrations. I’ve developed patience and my understanding broadened. I’ve learned the art of customer service and practiced reverse psychology. I began to love my job.

A fateful day of July 2004 came. I received an email from my cousins who were both working in the land of oil and gas. They’ve asked me to visit them and the look for a job at the same time. I’ve never imagined myself working in that part of the world. If given a chance, I’d rather work in a four- seasoned country.

Anyhow, an opportunity knocked and I wholeheartedly opened the door. And so after four years and ten months working in a mobile company, I submitted my resignation. I’ve put down my headset, shut down my computer and logged out on 05 August 2004.

On 12 August 2004, I flew to the foreign land and fifteen days later, I began working as a receptionist in a real estate developer company.

It was a struggle, but I’ve grown both professionally and personally. A number of things happened here in the desert. I was promoted a several times. I’ve gotten over one failed relationship. And of course, I was able to support my family.

I’ve fulfilled my dream of making my parents happy. I’ve done my part. However, I felt empty; something was missing in my life. I was not happy. I prayed to God to give me the happiness that I deserved.

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One unexpected day came. I met my husband, the answer to my prayer. He was God’s greatest gift to me, my Papa Ian.

 

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