Since I became a widow, I find it hard to sleep at night. Sleeping has become more slippery than a fish. I tried counting lambs but I usually end up feeling the pangs of hunger so I roasted them instead. LOL! I toss and turn every single night. If my bed could actually speak, it might have blasted me with complaints already.
Last night, I failed to get hold of Mr. Sandman again; so instead of entertaining the irritation which was slowly building up, I mentally created a to do list. I have enumerated the things I need to accomplish before I turn 40 years old.
I also thought about my failures and regrets. I pondered about my current situation. As human as I am, I can’t help but wonder why those things happened to me. Was it because of my temper? Was it karma who was giving me a hard blow?
One thing is for sure, God is in control of my life. He has a wonderful plan for me. I may be crying today, but I will be smiling tomorrow. Everything has a reason. And it will be revealed in His perfect time.
While thinking about the different ways to turn my life around, I suddenly recalled the dreams I had when I was young. Could those be the key to find the missing piece to solve the puzzle?
I’d like to share my dreams with you, perhaps you can help me discern their meanings.
The sky was blue and clear. There was no other cloud in sight other than the one I was standing on. It was whiter than snow. I saw myself patiently standing while waiting for someone to come and meet me.
I was wearing a floor-length white tunic with sleeves reaching my wrists. I was covered from neck down to my feet. And my head was wrapped with a white veil.
After some time, a graceful lady appeared in front of me. She was standing on a separate but smaller cloud above me. She was clothed in a sparkling white robe. Her dress was adorned and embroidered with a gold thread. There was a golden crown on top of her head. And she was holding a golden rosary.
Her skin was like of white porcelain but her cheeks were pinkish. Her thin lips were red and her smile was captivating. She was an image of purity and serenity, of gentleness and of love. She was magnificent, a regally beautiful woman.
I knelt before her. I clasped my hands together. She began to utter words to me, yet I wasn’t able to hear a thing she had said. I knew I was replying but no sound came out from my mouth. She then handed me an old scroll; without doubt and hesitation, I accepted it immediately.
And then I woke up. I have tried to recall the conversation I had with her but it was futile. I’ve kept on replaying the scene on my mind but I wasn’t able learn anything new. It was like I was watching a black and white movie with no sound.
In my heart, I knew the Holy Lady from my dream was Mama Mary. I’ve researched her image and I was surprised to find out that she was the Our Lady of Fatima.
I had this dream when I was a freshman in high school. Why were we on the cloud? Why did I not hear a word she said? What could be the symbolism of the old scroll?
I saw Jesus sitting on a well. He was wearing a plain, long white robe with a brown sash and a pair of brown sandals. He was surrounded by kids, from two to seven years old. They were clothed in either brown or cream tunic.
I was hiding at the back of a tree. I was wearing the same tunic like everyone else, around five or seven years of age and I was watching them from afar.
It was like another silent film. Albeit, there wasn’t any sound; I knew they were having a lively conversation. They were all laughing, having a lot of fun.
Jesus was over flowing with feelings of love. He was like an older brother, a protector, and a friend to the youngsters who were with Him.
As I was observing Him, I felt love, peace and security emanating from His being.
He caught me peeking and called immediately. He waved His hand and asked me to come to Him. I wasn’t sure whom He was referring to; so I looked at my back to check if there was someone behind me. Since there was nobody aside from me, I’ve pointed a finger to myself and asked? He nodded and smiled.
I went and stood next to him. He then picked me up and put me on His lap. He was saying something about me to the other children while affectionately patting my head and shoulders. He was smiling at me. His eyes were gentle, and yet I felt a sense of pride. I had an impression that He was proud of me.
He continued talking, but there was no sound. I was just staring at Him with a bewildered look on my face.
And then I woke up.
I had this dream when I was a sophomore in high school. Why was Jesus sitting on a well? Why did I become a child in my dream? Among the kids surrounding Him, why did He choose me to seat on His lap? Why was He proud of me?
I was in front of The Child Jesus. We were in the outer space. The space was velvet- black with stars sparkling like diamonds. The background was breathtaking.
He was dressed in a green robe with intricate gold embroidery. He was wearing a gold crown over his black curly hair. His right hand was holding a gold scepter, while His left was carrying the planet earth. I saw the globe rotating slowly. Its blue and white hues were vivid.
His skin was white porcelain. His lips were red and the cheeks were rosy. He smiled and I saw a pair of cute dimples. His eyes were clear and warm with long eyelashes. He was very charming.
I felt unworthy so I bowed my head down. I saw myself floating and noticed that I didn’t have any shape. I didn’t have a body, but I wasn’t surprised or frightened at all. I was at my true form.
He didn’t say a word. He was just looking straight to my soul, smiling. He was beaming with happiness. His smile was contagious, I was enthralled and I just grinned back.
And then I woke up with a smile on my face.
I had this dream when I was a senior in high school. Was that really how a spirit looked like? Why was He smiling at me?
Unlike my previous visions, this dream was different. Everything was audible.
There was a long queue of people. I was the last person in the line and also the smallest. We were inside a huge auditorium. Well, more like a court room.
I saw tall human- like beings with wings. They were clothed in white robes. They were seated at the right side of the court.
And then I looked at the left side of the room. I saw men and women. They were wearing clothes from different eras. I recognized some faces, they were the twelve apostles and the saints!
In between the two auditorium seating, there was a colossal of throne. At the right side of the throne was a podium. I saw a man walking towards the podium. He was holding a big, thick and ancient looking book. I noticed that he was St. Peter! As soon as he reached his post, he hit the gavel to the surface of the podium to call the attention of every being in the room.
Everyone became very still, their undivided attention was focused to the person approaching the throne.
The room was filled with magnificent power. I knew in my heart, He was God the Father! He was huge! He was a giant! He was wearing a long dazzling white robe with rustic red sash and brown gladiator sandals. I wasn’t able to see His face for it was luminous as the sun. However, the brightness was not painful to the eyes. He held a commanding yet loving presence. There was an air of authority around Him. He was radiating immense feelings of love, mercy, understanding and acceptance.
St. Peter gently hit the gavel again and said, next! I was the only one left standing in the middle of the court. I then realized it was my turn to be judged. I walked and approached the throne. I looked up to see God’s face. I felt Him smile and said,
magiging maganda ka (you will become beautiful)!
And then He started laughing. He was so amused with what He had told me. His laughter was like of a thunder- loud and strong. The vibration of His joy was felt in every corner of the room. And everyone followed Him. They were all laughing.
I found myself scratching my head, mouth wide open and puzzled with what was going on.
And then I woke up, stunned.
I had this dream when I was working as a laboratory analyst in a pharmaceutical company. Is that really how a judgement day would actually be like? Why did God tell me such phrase?
What could be the meaning of those dreams? Are those related with what I’ve been through? What could be the missing link?
Is God preparing me for something big? I knew I was placed on earth for something special, but what could it be? Is the task at hand requiring me to be alone? Is that the reason why He took my kids and my husband?
What do you think?